We are about 2.5 months into this six month stint of him working away during the week, and tonight, right now, I have officially reached my limit. This has been a particularly shitty week, culminating tonight with Hugo waking at midnight with a fever and rigoring. It’s not the first time he’s reacted to illness like this. Last winter was quite bad and involved several bouts of tonsilitis and a trip to the ED at the children’s hospital. This winter hasn’t been so bad other than a frightening episode of croup early in the season.

I consider myself so lucky that my children are generally well, healthy children, other than the usual colds and occasional stomach virus. Nonetheless, when they do get sick it can be really scary. Tonight when he woke up whimpering and shaking uncontrollably I was so scared. I thought it was probably ‘normal’ illness but at midnight, when you’ve got no-one to bounce ideas off, to share the fear with, and you’re the only one responsible, it’s scary. I brought him into my bed where he eventually settled and fell asleep, only to wake shortly after with a high fever, more rigoring and vomit spectacularly in my bed.

I hate doing this on my own … not just the gross stuff, like cleaning up vomit … but the emotional stuff, holding a sobbing, frightened baby and soothing him while inside all I want is *my* mummy to come and make it all better (and believe me, when *I* want my mummy, things are pretty grim).

I really resent all the time he is away from us, leaving me to pick up the pieces and carry on, envying him his full night vomit free sleep, his Tuesday night dinners with his colleagues, being able to pee and shower without an audience. Meanwhile I am here coping (or not) with one child who won’t eat and one who won’t stop eating, juggling bedtimes and trying to give them each some special one-on-one time without neglecting the other, trying to think of fun things we can do and usually failing.

I absolutely don’t know how single parents do this day in and day out without a break in sight.

I know he’s doing this because he’s paid to, and his high paying job means I can stay at home with the children but tonight it’s just not worth it It’s not good for our family and it’s not good for our marriage.

Technology has a tendency to highlight the generation gap. It used be the running joke that if you wanted to program your VCR that you should ask a ten year old to do it for you.

Back in the days when I was paid actual money for performimg menial tasks, I was considered something of a technology guru (yes, I laugh too). Just because I could use google. Of course I never told them how easy it was … they might have realised I was faking it!

And I’ve also noticed there are those people who will phone you to let you know they are sending you an email. I’m holding my BlackBerry, taking a call from you telling me to check for an email. By the time you’ve finished your salutations, I COULD HAVE READ THE EMAIL.

My husband is three months yonger than me. I love his birthday because it means he’ll stop the “cradle snatcher” jokes he uses at every opportunity between my birthday and his.

I was trying to explain Plurk to him on the weekend. He’s pretty geeky, and my other port of call when I have technical issues, but he just doesn’t get it. He actually said “I’m getting too old”. I know I’m getting old because of the grey hairs and the wrinkles. He knows he’s getting old because he doesn’t ‘get’ plurk

Happy birthday, sweetie!