Yesterday I took the children for a picnic at the park to catch up with Leigh, and Rah, and Kerrie and Brad.

Yesterday was just a mess from the time I woke up. You know those days that go wrong before you’re even fully conscious. That was my yesterday. But we eventually arrived at the park, and I started to relax and have a good time.

And then I lost Hugo. He’d been playing close by in the playground area, always within sight and earshot. I tend to be a bit more relaxed with Hugo because he is not a child who wanders off, he was never a runner, and has a highly developed sense of risk and safety. One moment he was in the playground, the next he was nowhere to be seen. It was literally within seconds.

I am so grateful that I was there with these guys, they all scattered immediately to help me look, and fortunately he showed up within a couple of minutes. But those minutes … my brain just went wild with possible scenarios - had someone grabbed him from the playground? had he fallen in the lake? was he wandering around crying, wondering where I was? Every morbid news story I’d read about child abduction and accidents - and it happened so quickly, that was the scary thing. It was so, so fast.

He’d actually gone to feed the ducks with Leigh’s children. They looked after him so well, he was totally fine to go with them. He told me “I’m fine Mummy, I’m with the big kids” and he really was fine. I really didn’t want to let my panic show, and just told him that he needed to tell me every time he was going to leave the playground so I knew where he was.

It makes me wonder and worry. I was lucky yesterday, I was with friends and had help right there. What happens next year when I’m in a country with no social network, where I don’t even speak the primary language? How do I let my children grow up without restricting their experiences but still keep them safe?